A Gentle Answer

In our current culture, it feels like everyone is in every conversation right? Or at least it seems that way. With the accessibility of the internet, opinions are easily given on every matter of subject relevant or not. And one doesn’t need to even know much on the subject because when you are typing your opinion on a keyboard, you are virtually protected from having to have a real, civilized face to face conversation. Because of these factors, often times exchanged words that are written can be taken out of context and cause discord easily.

I’m sure you’ve seen it. People are more willing to type something that they wouldn’t ever say to someone’s face. And when they do, they often get easily sucked into keyboard conversations/arguments they wouldn’t have otherwise if meeting that person. We know all of this, yet we still take the bait sometimes when people coax us into an argument. And now I want to tell you about a lady I don’t even know. 

Being on social media you “meet” and interact with lots of people without knowing anything about them. So let me tell you about Sharon (I made up that name but this story is based on a real conversation with a real person). 

One day I made an Instagram post. The post was a picture of Tim and I for a sponsorship for dish soap and counter cleaner. Pretty harmless right?  Or so you’d think. In my post I was praising my husband because he loves to do dishes and I asked women to tell me their husbands favorite chore and compliment them. Well that day I got a message from Sharon. The message wasn’t outright rude- more just brash. But it certainly wasn’t kind. Simply put, Sharon didn’t like my post. She was divorced (happily she said with no regrets) and didn’t appreciate how I was praising my husband for doing chores because that was not very inclusive to people who didn’t have husbands. 

I would like to insert here that in this culture, everything will not please everyone. It’s simply impossible. If you write a book about loving oranges, it doesn’t mean you don’t love apples and bananas. It simply means your book happens to be about oranges! Do you follow? 

Normally I wouldn’t reply to Sharon because I don’t feel the need to enter every conversation I’m invited to. Nor should you. Often times you can tell beforehand which conversations will turn out productive and which ones are better left alone. And my new motto with conversations is: when in doubt, stay out! Pretty good eh? It’s like when we see something we disagree with, we have the ability to keep scrolling and just move on. People these days seem to have forgotten this special ability we all have. 

Anyway, Sharon! I felt compelled to answer her. So I answered her in the most loving way I could. Validating her viewpoints but mentioning that the intent of my post was to promote a culture of encouraging our spouses. I wrote how in our culture we tend to degrade men for not being enough. So to see a post where so many women were praising their husbands for helping out in small and big ways was really neat and positive. 

You guys- her next response was so humbling. She wrote back and told me that she knows her message to me was rude. And she intended it that way. But she never expected me to respond with kindness. And when she read the kind response, her heart was instantly changed and her approach/tone to me was completely different than before. Talk about a 180°. She shared more of her personal story and we exchanged a few more words and ended our conversation on a wonderful note. 

Now a couple notes here- will this always happen in conversation? No. Just because you decided to respond kindly to someone’s harsh remarks, doesn’t always cause a change in them towards you. So I defer to my first rule: I don’t feel the need to attend every conversation I’m invited too. 

So then why share this story? Because of Proverbs 15:1 which says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” Read that AGAIN! And let it sink in. If we all, no matter our beliefs took these words to heart, this world would be a WHOLE lot different than it is right now. Imagine conversations where people think before they speak and sometimes choose not to speak at all because it’s just not necessary. Imagine someone conversing with you in a harsh manner and instead of fighting back tooth and nail, you respond gently and humbly. Wow! What a difference that could make. And what a difference it is making in my own life as I continually remind myself to put this Proverb principle into practice. Will it always work? No. But practice makes better. 

I’m thankful for Sharon. I’m thankful for what I believe to be a Holy Spirit nudge in responding gently to her with kindness. I’m thankful that I learned a valuable and tangible lesson that day. And I hope in some small way this encourages you. That at the least, to double check your thoughts/words and actions before responding to something that fires you up inside. And even more so, to realize that it’s ok to “sit this one out” if a conversation comes up that won’t be productive for either party. 

I’ll gladly walk this one out with you. I’m sure for the rest of my life. But hey, we all have to start somewhere and today’s a good day to start.

xo, Sarah